Bangkok: Of pickpockets, deathtraps & tom yam goong

Okay, so Shaz went to Kuala Lumpur and I went to Bangkok with my dear Nicky (to the uninitiated, that’s my Nikon D80) and my Singapore Law Review (SLR) friends. My first time there without Shaz. While Shaz had a pretty uneventful KL trip, I, on the other hand, had quite a drama-filled trip.

I know that all you drama-mamas have much more exciting dramas in your lives (e.g. getting pregnant or breaking your penis during rough sex *ouch*) but this is as far as my life goes without Shaz – boring. But it is still pretty exciting by the standards of boring law students.

Bangkok is certainly a place where you can shop till you drop (I almost did – but I wasn’t the one doing the shopping though). However, since Mr Yusof Ishak and his clones decided that Bangkok is not their holiday destination this time, I took this opportunity to spend some time with Nicky – some real close bonding session with my lil' kid.

I have to admit that this trip was not planned to the minutest of details. We had no itinerary at all and since I had been to Bangkok quite a number of times, I was the de facto tour guide (on top of being the de facto photographer and shopping bargainer). All we knew when we flew into Bangkok was that we will be staying at this budget hotel – Samran Place.

Oh what a view…
You see, this is the thing about budget hotels. You can’t expect anything much from them other than aircon, bed and a decent supply of water. Samran Place certainly exceeded those expectations BUT what happened on the first night instantly reconfirmed my perception of budget hotels.

While we were having our slumber party on the first night, a God-forbiddingly-huge cockroach invaded the room. I knew I had to protect Nicky who was in my hands from the cockroach! I began jumping on my friend’s bed screaming hoping to scare the cockroach away from Nicky. But nooooooooooo, it decided to fly! My military training demanded that I ducked for cover from this new airborne threat. So I did. I started crawling on my knees on the room’s hard and sharp carpet. Had to protect Nicky I tell you! But I ended up with a really bad case of scraped knees. A painful first night. But Nicky was safe from the evil Thai cockroach! Fatherly instincts… Hahaha.

Okay, so we began our trip there doing the thing that people go to Bangkok do best – Shopping. When you put a trigger happy paparazzo (i.e. yours truly) and a group of law misfits together, you get the best photo opportunities. And so I thought…

Of course, no shopping trip to Bangkok would be complete without a trip to the giant weekend Chatuchak market which has about 10 000 stalls. What happened next was the highlight of the trip, for me at least.

I WAS PICKPOCKETED.

BUT I CAUGHT THE PICKPOCKET! Okay la, my friends did. But I swear it was like a scene out of the movies. It was damn crowded and everyone was elbow-to-elbow. I was carrying Nicky in my hand and his bag and I placed my wallet which contained all of my money in the front pouch of the bag. Suddenly while walking through the crowded lanes, I felt a very unusual pressure on my side. I looked down at my bag and found my front pouch wide open with my wallet missing. I shouted to my friend to go after a suspicious looking lady who didn’t stop despite me asking her to stop. She was quite quick. My shouts alerted my other clueless friends who didn’t know what was going on but went on the chase with me (till this day I have no idea why they followed me running through the stalls of Chatuchak Market when they have no idea what was going on). The following diagram describes it best –

Fortunately my friend caught the pickpocket and had her surrender my wallet with everything intact but unfortunately he did not detain her. I would have pummeled her to the ground with a rugby tackle in that cramped-up place. Stupid mutha-fucking bitch.

I was so shaken I got out of that place and had a smoke to calm myself down. And I don’t smoke…

I vehemently refused to go back into the market after the incident. So we decided to go to Suan Lum Night Market Bazaar at night to resume my friends’ insatiable taste for shopping. That was another drama.

By the way, all of you who love shopping in Bangkok, take notice that the Suan Lum Night Market is technically illegal because the land has been sold to a property developer who intends to build skyscrapers on that land. The vendors just refused to move out of that place. As of now, it is before the courts of Thailand therefore the matter is treated as “sub judice”.

We decided to take the tuktuk – vehicles which we conveniently and affectionately call “mobile deathtraps”. Oh boy, what a deathtrap it was. This was what happened.

My tuktuk was supposed to go to the opposite direction from where I boarded it. Thai roads are notoriously big and wide and the pedestrian crossings are few and far from each other. Either way, we went there at around 7pm+ which is about when people are still going home from work. This could only mean one thing – HEAVY TRAFFIC.

But the deathtrap operator (aka tuktuk driver) decided that hey it may be fun to scare the shit out of these bloody Singaporeans who stole Shin Corp from us (of course, as a Singaporean, I must say that it is not true)! See the diagram below?

Fun isn’t it? Throughout the entire ride, my friend kept asking me if the deathtrap will topple over. I was asking him (and almost asked the deathtrap operator) if there were any deathtrap fatalities so far. I really didn’t want to know the answer actually… I know that I did not want to end up like this white chap with a bloody head injury smiling in an advertisement for a Bangkok Hospital (most probably received free treatment for being their model). Let's have an injury-free holiday ya? Not a worry-free one...

That aside, I must say that the food in Bangkok was fantastic. Especially the tom yam. Duh. For your info, I am quite a big fan of Tom Yam. I prefer my tom yam not too milky and prefer it to be nearer to the taste of Thailand’s sour prawn soup. By the way, the prawns in Thailand are absofuckingly huge. My friends initially thought I was eating lobsters. I am sure Shaz who loves to suck the brains (and shit) out of prawns’ heads would love Thai prawns. I think I tried 3-4 different tom yams in Bangkok.

Caveat: Muslims who intend to go to Bangkok – please make sure you do your research as to where the halal restaurants are located. If you really cannot find anything at your location, just stick to vegetarian dishes. Or if you are quite liberal and you have a strong stomach, you can try eating at the many BBQ seafood stalls littering the streets of Bangkok.

One of us decided to braid his hair. To much failure. Lol.

Other than shopping, eating, near-death experiences and pickpockets, we law students decided to burn ourselves under the Bangkok sun at the Grand Palace. I am quite certain that the ozone layer above Bangkok has been burnt out quite badly with the pollutants Bangkok is emitting. The heat is so great that Nicky MELTED. Not entirely of course. His flash component became sticky and couldn’t open up because the plastic melted. And to think that his manual states that it should not be brought out to a heat above 50 degrees celcius. How about that?

All in all, Bangkok is fun and fascinating for the first timer. For an old-bird like me, I think I shall just stick to Bangkok for the shopping. You either have to hate or love Bangkok – a place where tradition, myth and westernization co-mingle in a rather uneasy fashion.

PS: I am now thinking of doing freelance photojournalistic work for a new and upcoming travel magazine. Would really appreciate comments/critique of my photos so that I can improve further.

PSS: Pardon the pictures, it has not really been photoshopped because I am still in the process of learning this complicated program. I promise to bring you better pictures once I have learn this photoshop thingy.

PSSS: I do not appreciate people reading this blog to “tell on me” or “rat on me” because firstly, there is nothing to tell on me or rat on me about. So stop being like a bloody stereotypical Malay who detests seeing others happy. This blog is not a sex blog or blog of sin. This blog is about food, life and travels. Do not read into this anything more than what is written or shown in the pictures. To my other blog friends, thank you so much for the stream of encouraging comments and words. Shaz and I truly appreciate it.